I’ve been doing some hard thinking.

What is purity? How do I stay pure? If you’re like me, then you probably grew up in a culture where this was a huge focus. Dress codes, warnings of sin and lust, and let’s not forget the purity ring.

Please hear me when I say this: by themselves, none of these things are bad.

It’s good to have a dress code (you shouldn’t go everywhere in your pajamas). You should be well-informed on how to keep your focus on God and actively fight the temptation to lust. Having a reminder, something physical that you wear like a ring, can be a beautiful thing!

But what happens when we combine those with some less-than-truthful teachings?

Story Time: The Day I Became Part of The Problem

I once got in trouble for telling a boy that I didn’t want to see his belly button. Yep. True story. We were at a pool party, and I was standing next to a guy-friend of mine. I was fifteen, and wearing a full one-piece swimsuit dress and a sun-guard shirt pulled over it. It was uncomfortable; the wet fabric stuck to my skin and thighs, and it hung, heavy, on my shoulders.

My friend was wearing swim trunks. That’s it. No shirt, just swim trunks. And he was telling me how inappropriate that stranger on the other side of the pool was because she was wearing a tankini, and you could see her belly button when she jumped into the pool.

No shade to my friend. These were the ideals we were taught, and we were both pretty young to fight the man. Back then, I was a big believer in the rules. (Honestly, I still kind of am. I will burst into tears if you even joke about me being in trouble.) If they were good for me, a girl, surely they were good for everyone, including guys, right?

“Well, I can see your belly button, too, dude,” I told my friend. “You might be making her stumble just like she’s making you stumble. Maybe put a shirt on.”

I think my friend and the adults around me thought I was trying to make a “feminist” point by taking a rule to the extreme. I wish that were the case, but back then, I genuinely believed what I was saying. I was shocked that I got scolded for it.

This led me down a rabbit trail that’s taken twelve years to figure out. But here’s what I’ve discovered so far on my quest for understanding purity.

Wanting to be pure is not the problem. Being legalistic about it is.

Why the rules, RULE!

It’s nice to have something to follow. A list you can check off to feel good about yourself. Some sort of way to make sure you’re doing “the right thing” without having to really discern, pray, or seek guidance from your community.

Did I do any hard drugs today? Nope! Check that off the list.

Did I adhere to a specific set of rules for my clothes? Yep! Check!

Am I better than everyone else because I follow all the rules and am therefore earning my place as a good Christian Girl, and can compare myself to those who don’t follow the rules to feel better about myself? Check—oh…oh wait.

Somewhere along the way, the teaching for purity became less about your relationship with God and more about having a checklist of things to follow to stay pure. But when in the Bible does God give us a checklist to have a right relationship with Him? When do you need to follow a specific set of rules to be able to talk to Jesus? To be welcomed by him?

I’m not recommending we walk around with our tooshes out. I’m not even recommending we throw away everything purity culture has taught us—again, I can’t state this enough. Wanting to be pure is good. Honoring God with your clothes, with your attitude, with your whole being is good. I’m simply asking a question.

Is our understanding of purity based upon our relationship with God, or is it based upon a set of rules we can follow?

There are dozens of lies that I realized I was believing, all surrounding this idea of purity. I want to talk about those, to digest them, but also share what God’s been teaching me about it. But it all starts with asking that question.

This is just the opening to the conversation.

Often times when we talk about purity, we’re really talking about shame. We’re really talking about a list of rules and regulations to follow, a check list we can cross off to say “Yep! I’m pure!”. Here’s the truth.

Jesus is pure. Nothing you do on your own will ever make you pure, or enough, or capable. It all comes back to Jesus. He is our rock and our foundation. Relationship with God is the most important thing.

As we digest being pure, we’re going to use scripture. We’re going to go back to the Word and use examples to talk about these things. Romans, Ephesians, and anywhere else God leads me in the word.

For me, as I digest the teachings, look at the core issues, I’m going to come back to this particular verse.

Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Do you follow the rules because someone told you to, and you want to please them, or because you are genuinly seeking the approval of God? It’s a hard question. Which is why I’m asking it of myself and now you.

In this series, we’re going to be talking about these core issues.

We’ll talk about how to be pure with our clothing.

We’ll talk about how to be pure when it comes to relationship with the opposite gender.

We’ll talk about purity when it comes to your identity.

And maybe more, if God brings it to mind. 🙂 Are you ready to digest it?

What do you think? What does purity mean and where does it start? Stay tuned for part two!

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