How do you know he’s the one?

It’s a huge question. And as much as this probably doesn’t comfort you, the old adage is true: “You just know.”

With a lot of prayer…and freaking out and questioning my life choices…eventually, I knew. God was so good and kind to guide me. I’m so grateful that he brought us together.

But there were bumps along the way! Especially when I started to believe lies…

Ze Pesky LIES!

1. I’m not enough.

If there was one lie that played on repeat in my head, like a soundtrack for my life, it would be this one: “I’m not enough.”

I’ve wrestled with this lie for many long and hard years.

When I started dating, it only amped up the volume. “You don’t deserve him.”

“He should go find someone better.”

“You can’t accept love unless you’ve earned it.” (Side note: that is very much not true. Read the article here!)

After I finally told him about it, my now-husband helped me get over this lie.

I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times he’s told me, “You don’t have to earn love.” And because that’s true, I chose to believe him.

Side note: If a guy doesn’t treat you as a precious child of God, that’s a major red flag. Don’t EVER tell yourself “this is what I deserve” if a guy isn’t treating you right. Yeah, you’re a sinner. But God didn’t treat you poorly because you’re a sinner. Jesus poured out his blood for you because he loved you so much (as a sinner). No guy has the right to disrespect your boundaries, take advantage of you, or manipulate you. Invite wise older Christians in your life to speak into your relationships, especially romantic ones.

2. I should feel a certain way.

I’d never been in love before. So when I fell in love with my now-husband, it didn’t feel the way I expected.

In fact, one of my good friends told me that I was in love before I realized it for myself. (Yes, you can laugh at me).
Because I didn’t feel the way I expected, I questioned it.

Was I loyal enough? Was there something wrong that was causing my feelings? The truth is…he was everything I had prayed for in a future husband. Even the prayers that I’d forgotten about! And that was proved over and over again.

Our feelings can lead us astray…both into and out of a relationship!

In Alli’s story for the Fantastical Summer anthology I developed, she emphasizes the fact that you have to choose to love someone and work on your relationship with them, even if you’re a perfect match.

I think the key is to not rely on our feelings as ultimate truth. It’s much better to build on the foundation of the word of God.

3. He’s distracting me from God.

It’s possible for this to happen. But if you’re idolizing a guy, the problem is probably in your heart, not his. That’s true for anything you idolize. The idol doesn’t need to change…you do. You need to put Christ first. No one else can do that for you.

One habit I found so helpful when we dated was that I wouldn’t text him until after I’d read my Bible in the morning and I wouldn’t stay on the phone with him so late that I was too tired to read it again at night. This discipline actually pushed me to grow in my faith!
I wasn’t perfect, and I definitely got distracted thinking about him when I was trying to pray, but that habit helped me love Jesus first.
No guy is perfect. News flash: we’re all sinners. But an older gentleman in my church gave me wise advice around the time I first met my now-husband. “If you can’t serve the Lord better together, there’s no point in getting married.”

I think this is a great test of a relationship.

One last thought…

Not everyone is ready to date at the same time. And that’s okay.

I wasn’t ready to date until I was eighteen. Now I’m married at 21!

There is no such thing as being “behind schedule.” God has a good plan for your life. Period. End of story. God’s plans don’t have to follow the Hollywood timeline or the average timeline or ANY timeline other than his.

I wrote an article a few years ago that you might find useful in figuring out if you (or a guy) is mature enough to date. Short answer: If you’re in the molting phase, probably not. Read the article here.

What’s true?

Alli Here! I asked Vella to blog about this because she has some experience in relationships and overcoming those lies the enemy tells us. I admire her writing so much, not just her articles, but her book too, because it always comes back to focusing on the light. In fact, if you liked this article, you should get her book Beyond The Mirage!

Did I mention it’s only a dollar this week?

Don’t fight against the lies of the enemy on your own. The main character in Beyond the Mirage struggles with knowing what’s true and trusting God in such a realistic and raw way. I can’t recommend this book enough! Grab your very own copy here:

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